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The Schmooze

Jewish Harry Potter Raises Galleons For Gaza War

Happy birthday to the Boy Who Lived! July 31 marks the day that Harry Potter — and his creator, J.K. Rowling — first entered the world. Harry is a loyal Gryffindorian, a matchless wizard, a native Parseltongue speaker, and…a Jew?

Jewish Israelis have claimed the wizard wonder boy and his legacy on the “Jewish Harry Potter” Facebook page, which has over 10,000 likes. Beneath a profile picture of a yarmulke-clad Harry, users crack jokes about Israeli politics and Jewish religious life through the lens of the Potter series.

Lately, the site’s creators have used the Hershel — I mean Harry — books to process and satirize the war going on around them. Here are their most memorable Jewish Harry Potter memes, ones really worth storing in your pensieve:

1) Chambers of Secrets

Under the heading “A blow to the Death Eaters,” Snape informs Voldemort of an operational setback in their war with the wizarding establishment.

Snape: “Bad news, my lord: the I.D.F. has discovered the tunnel between Borgin & Burkes and Hogwarts.”

2) Hamas’ Peculiar Demands

One user made a list of ceasefire demands promulgated by a little known terrorist group, the Al-Qessem Brigades (punning on the hebrew words for “Kassam rocket” and “magic”).

“We will accept a ceasefire on the following conditions:
A) All our prisoners in Azakaban will be released.
B) Slytherin, under the leadership of Severus Snape, will henceforth run Hogwarts.
C) Voldemort will be appointed Minister of Magic.”

3) Call Rita Skeeter

The site’s creators aren’t fans of CNN’s coverage of the conflict.

4) Galleons for Gaza

Generous-minded donors are encouraged to donate to a fund for Israelis living in range of Gaza rockets.

“Residents in the line of fire don’t have an account at Gringotts. This is the time to donate to them and allow them to allow the IDF to win.”

5) Minister of Magic:

Dumbledore launched a bid for the presidency, but somehow lost to the beardless Reuven Rivlin.

Caption: “Israel votes for Grandpa. Dumbledore for President of Israel!”

6) Yom Huledet Sameach (“Happy Birthday”)

Today a thoughtful — and religious — Israeli woman wrote to wish Harry a very happy birthday: “Mazal tov Harry! May you have a long and good life and merit to see the coming of the Messiah!”

What will they think of next? Dumbledore, the Hasidic Rebbe? Harry Potter and the Kiddush Cup of Fire? Or, better yet, Harry Potter and the Deathly Challas.

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